Do You Indulge in Self-Abuse?

Self-abuse seems to come naturally to most of us.

Yet, most of us would never assault another human being the way we assault ourselves. We wouldn’t tell a stranger, let alone a friend, “I hate you! You are fat! You are just so stupid!”


Yet we don’t seem to have any problem saying those things to ourselves.  

We do to ourselves what we would never do to others.

Look at how you treat yourself.

Self-abuse is what you do when you inflict harm to yourself. There are extremes, of course, like cutting yourself, drinking yourself into oblivious, or taking drugs.


But the truth is, any time you inflict emotional harm to yourself, you are abusing yourself. You are not honoring yourself.

And even though there is a legal consequence to driving drunk, there is none for punching yourself in the face emotionally. But, oh, the price that your soul pays!

You might say to me, “I will stop abusing myself once I love myself.”

But it doesn’t work that way. You have to start by honoring yourself. It’s time to tell your own self that it is no longer legal to do the harmful things you have been doing, to say those things to yourself.

What are your standards for yourself?

You have clear standards for taking care of yourself, and you have practiced honoring them.

You probably have a standard that you will not go a whole week without showering. You have a standard that you won’t drive without putting your seatbelt on. These are ways that you protect yourself in life. These are boundaries that you set for yourself.

You can do the same with your emotional self.

Are you treating yourself with love and compassion?

You can decide that you are worth nurturing.

You can decide to stop beating yourself up. Or at least, to not stand idly when you notice yourself doing it. Can you see that this is an act of violence against yourself?

You are worth much more than that! Put your foot down with yourself.

You can decide to never, ever again speak meanly to the image in the mirror, regardless of your weight, your age, your whatever.

It is no longer okay to treat yourself that way.

You can commit to honoring yourself.

“I will no longer participate in self-abuse.”

Remember the neuro-pathways that we have created in our brains with our repetitive thoughts?

In order to stop assaulting yourself, you have to destroy those toxic pathways and replace them with new ones.

You have to begin treating yourself with the utmost respect and tenderness. You can begin loving yourself. Honoring yourself. Moving from one way of thinking to another.

First steps:

  1. Find a “win” each day. A win is something you did well. It could be as simple as doing a good job brushing your teeth. Make a list of every win, and treat yourself to something special when you reach 100 wins.
  2. Decide where the boundaries are. What will you never, ever do again that is harmful to you? It could be as simple as ruminating on “I will never amount to anything.” Write it down every single day, so that you remember.
  3. Journal the answers to these questions: What thought is behind the harmful behavior or words? What new thought do you want to replace it with?
  4. If these steps are too difficult for you to do alone, hire a life coach. He/she will help you move past the abuse into a life filled with purpose and joy. Being stuck in self-abuse is the most dangerous place you can be; you cannot afford to wallow there.

So, my friend, what is your conclusion? And what are you going to do about it? Let us know in the comments! And I am here for you if you want to explore the life coach possibility.

As always, please share with anyone you know who would benefit from this blog post!



Is There such a Thing as Serendipity?

Serendipity, noun: an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.

A few years ago, we bought a vacation home and named it Serendipity. The name seemed absolutely appropriate, as the house came to us as a result of a series of amazing events that just simply ushered us into it.

I have thought many times about Serendipity since then–besides the fact that I love how that word sounds.

Is Serendipity serendipitous?

Here is what I have observed in life:

Serendipity happens because we are choosing it.

As we change, God furthers and expands that change.

“Overnight” successes take 20 or so years.

Let’s examine these for a minute, and you’ll be able to draw your own conclusions:


1.Serendipity happens because we choose it.

Isaac Newtons’ discovery of the law of gravitation was serendipitous: He watched an apple fall from a tree and understood gravity. Amazing! But this little revelation came to Mr. Newton after years of working on the problem.

Pleasant surprises come to us when we invite them.



Life is a truly a path with many forks–many choices. Each fork taken moves us towards the reality we choose in the long run. Each fork taken brings about the serendipity we look at with awe.

  • Our “Serendipity” vacation house was purchased serendipitously after having saved for such a house.
  • In the back of my mind, I have always wanted to own some kind of a lake house, and my eye always homed in on water. Serendipity happens to be perched over a lake.
  • As our household multiplied with grandchildren, we all talked about a home where we could all be comfortable in. Serendipity has five bedrooms and five bathrooms, perfect for this growing family.
  • We are people who function best in light. Serendipity feels like the outside jumps on the inside.


2. As we change, God furthers and expands that change.

God, the Creator, is.

He has deposited in us part of who He is–every human being ever created has creative powers within.

As we yield to them, we change. As we move in faith in the act of creation, God meets us. And serendipity happens.

John Burroughs said, “Leap, and the net will appear.” This is at the chore of Serendipity: the moment we commit, providence shows up. The moment we choose to create, we have. This is faith in its purest form.

This is Serendipity.

3.”Overnight” successes take 20 or so years

You become an overnight success by putting in the work in the lonely years. You become an overnight success by working for that moment until it happens. It’s really that simple.

Overnight success, is that Serendipity? According to my definition of Serendipity, one hundred percent YES!

So, my friend, what is YOUR conclusion? I invite you to start a conversation in the comments. And if you happen to know someone who thinks you are just so lucky because everything seems to be working out your way, would you mind sharing this blog post with them?