Creative Writing: Oceans of Impossibility

The worship song stirs my soul and brings tears to my eyes. I listen, mesmerized. And  I cannot join in because I know I would be lying, and God is listening.

 

“Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.”

 

I don’t want to trust that far. I don’t think I ever will be able to. I need to keep some control.

 

All I can do is whisper, “Please bring me to that kind of trust, Jesus. I want to sing this to You one day.”

 

So His wonderful sweet Spirit goes to work in my heart, and I find myself able to sing with all of my heart, “Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.”

 

Yes, Lord. I want to trust that far. I don’t need to keep any control.

 

And the years go by, and Jesus and I, we grow close to each other. I learn to trust Him more, and I even find myself praying, “Oh for grace to trust You more.”

 

Until today.

 

Today, I am in front of an ocean that I cannot cross. No amount of human wisdom or strength can help me, and my soul feels hopeless. Tired. So saddened. Overwhelmed.

 

My spirit is heavy within me and I know that I need to eat some heavenly food, so I run to Psalm 25 and read it aloud to myself, chew on it for a while, let its truth travel down to my very belly. But the weariness doesn’t leave.

 

“Come sit with me awhile,” I sense Him saying.

 

I curl up on the couch with a blanket, turn on some worship music and I try to pray, but all I can do is wonder why He brought me thus far to simply put me in front of the impossible.

 

I dissolve into tears, but I don’t hear His voice. All I know to do is to sit there, quieting my noisy, exhausted, defeated self before Him.

 

Worship music fills my home, but my tears fill my soul. When they run their course, I wipe my wet cheeks and feel just as lost as I was before I sat down. But then, as clear as the voice of an angel, I hear this sentence swirling around me, “Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.”

 

And these words, they carry the heaviness away. They lift the sadness right off of my soul, just like that. Because I get it. My Jesus, He loves me that much!

 

He loves me enough to take me deeper than my feet can stand. He loves me enough to call me out upon the waters where feet may fail, because He knows that I will find Him in the mystery.

 

And in oceans deep, my faith will stand.

And I will know His love.

And I will rest in Him.

 

And the ocean, it doesn’t stand a chance.

“It doesn’t Matter” Two Ways

Thoughts are powerful

As you know by now, your thoughts are incredibly powerful. When you understand that your thoughts create your feelings and your feelings drive your actions, you realize that if you want to change habits
that aren’t serving you, you’ve got to pay attention to what’s happening in between your ears.

Shifting one single thought can make such a difference!

Looking at our thoughts.

A lot of times we notice negative self-talk, thoughts that are really mean or lack compassion, but we miss some of the ones that sound a little innocuous. They sound like they’re not a big deal.

“It doesn’t matter” is one of those thoughts.

 

Not keeping our word to ourselves

How often have you committed to doing or not doing something, but you make a different decision in the moment? Trying to break a bad habit or build a good one but missing the mark? A great example of that would be when you have decided to go to the gym, or not losing your patience with your child, or not spending money. Do you then double down on your commitment, or do you say, “It doesn’t matter. I already messed it up, so I might as well quit”?

At that moment, the thought “it doesn’t matter” really means, “Nothing I do works. It never changes. I caved. All my hard work went down the drain.”

 

The Trajectory of Success

Imagine a line graph of your success.

Most of us believe that progress should be a perfectly straight line heading up. But that’s not what progress looks like in reality. It’s a very squiggly line with lots of ups and downs, yet it is moving upwards despite the peaks and valleys.  And this is where the thought “it doesn’t matter” comes in.

“It doesn’t matter” can be powerful

You can choose to say “it doesn’t matter” in a defeated way and throw in the towel when you feel you messed up. Or you can choose to say “it doesn’t matter” and mean that you understand that the trajectory of success is squiggly, but you are on your way up.

Your brain responds to your “it doesn’t matter”

When you make a decision that is not in line with what you want to do, your brain will respond to whichever thought you entertain.

Changing habits requires creating new neuro-pathways. Your brain is literally learning how to do something new. You are teaching yourself a new way to react and to respond.

And any work that you do to teach yourself a new way to react or to respond to your thoughts and
your feelings and your urges is never ever lost.

Crossing a bridge

Think about building your new habit, or stopping a bad habit as crossing a bridge. Now, as you start that journey, as you are crossing the bridge, if you were to fall down at some point during that crossing, you would not stand up and walk back to the beginning, right?

If you fall and say “I fell, so nothing matters. I might as well quit,” your feelings, and then your actions will respond to that thought. It’s telling your brain that all of the previous work that you did, all of the actions that you took before that moment don’t count. It’s telling you that your work doesn’t count. You think these kinds of thoughts when you think of success as a straight line going up.

 

If you fall and say, “It doesn’t matter, I can on my way,” you see success like a squiggly line with all the ups and downs, and you understand that your actions are never lost. They always count. They are never just down the drain because all of your actions matter.

Creating that new habit means changing how you respond and react to the decisions that you make.
The complete picture of changing habits includes what you did, how you reacted, how you responded when you didn’t do the thing you said you would.

Two parts to changing a habit

Changing a habit has two parts. You have to do both of these parts. If you only look at the first part, you’re only looking at the promise or the commitment that you made. But if you really want to change a habit, you have to pay attention to how you respond and how you react.

And that’s where “it doesn’t matter” comes in.

Which “it doesn’t matter” do you choose?

And if you know anyone who could benefit from this blog post, share away!