I’m just someone who…
Do you ever say or think, “I’m just someone who…”
I think we all have. We see ourselves as “just someone who” is sensitive, or an overdrinker, or someone who eats fast, or who always needs to be perfect, someone who swears quickly. or has a tendendy to be rude, or impulsive…
And over the years, we turn these “personality traits” into excuses for not changing.
But here is the million dollar question: are these really personality traits? Or did we create these with our thoughts?
Personality vs. Mindset
I am not saying that we don’t have specific personalities. Of course we do!
But are these written in stone? Are we able to change ourselves? What if we were able to change ourselves? What if much of what we call personality is truly a mindset?
Truth is, we do what we do because of our feelings which are generated by our thoughts. This is the “think/feel/act” loop that we have been talking about lately.
So we act or don’t act the way we do because of what we are feeling, and what we are feeling is always created by our thoughts.
When I describe myself as “I’m just someone who is shy,” is it really a trait I was born with that is unchangeable, or do I feel I am shy because I have practiced a set of thoughts over and over again about myself, and I have then proven them to be true by my feelings and actions?
Thinking of myself as shy isn’t a problem if I don’t mind being shy. But if I want to change the habit of being shy, and I am fixated on “shy is just who I am because I am wired this way,” I will not be inclined to work towards a new habit.
Pay attention to your thoughts
If we want to change anything in our life, we must pay attention to our thoughts, both those that will help us get there and those that might stand in the way of getting there.
Our thoughts generate the feelings and actions that perpetuate our mindset.
Do you have “traits” that you decided are an unchangeable part of your personality? Have you settled because “this is just how I think, I’ve always thought this way?”
Yet our very thoughts are that which created our conviction in the first place that we cannot change. And if we believe that we are stuck in something, why would we take any action?
Being attached to the story we tell ourselves about who we are prevents us from change.
I love “What If” questions.
Would you consider a few with me today?
What if you consider your personality is simply a story that you have about yourself?
What if the story can be rewritten?
I have rewritten my story about being fat. I thought I was fat. I saw myself as fat. I thought I was fat, so I felt fat and I acted fat. You know, like, “no, I can’t go swimming with you” because I did not want people to see me in a bathing suit.
But seeing myself as fat was not written in stone. I worked at creating a new story. I focused on developing and cultivating a new mindset.
I have rewritten my story about being shy. I practiced new beliefs about myself, about my ability to change, about how I can be in a social situation.
If you drink too much, you can create a new story around how you can unwind and have fun. If you… fill in the blanks. You get to create your own reality.
Nothing about us is written in stone.
We did not come out of the womb shy, or a perfectionist, or a person who overdrinks.
Of course, our brains are going to fight us a bit. It’s much easier to continue believing and practicing the thoughts we already have and to not question them. But here is the bottom line: we are not going to create sustainable change if we refuse to be open to the idea of letting go of certain thoughts about ourselves.
Question your thoughts!
Want to try this out?
You can start by being curious about some of the traits you don’t like about yourself.
- Go ahead and list them on a piece of paper.
- Look at them and ask: are these fixed? Are they unchangeable? Or is it possible to start shifting them?
- Next, ask the deeper questions: how would I need to think differently to change these parts of myself? What kind of mindset do I need to develop?
Some of our thoughts are killers. And they don’t need to stay that way.
I am very curious as to your thoughts on this blog post. Comment away! And as always, please share away. I am sure someone else needs this as much as we do!
I am here for you! You can always contact me here.